Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
