This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize