am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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