Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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