thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
