I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
