Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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