I'm lost and stupid without you.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i just google imaged poop.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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