My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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