I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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