When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
