when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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