you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
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I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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