and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
