Im at strip club and am horny
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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