You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The air was thick with penises
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
