Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
