he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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