I got chris browned last night
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
