my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
