when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
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HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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