i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
