I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Randomize
