You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
