Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
