i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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