I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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