you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Randomize
