next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We have so much sex to catch up on
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
