Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
