she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
