best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
