I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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