It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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