I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
