Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
