Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
