Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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