mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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