Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Will you blow on my dice?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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