This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
