I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
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