Don't you send me to vm
Your dad touched me again.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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