no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
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If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
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Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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