So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
