i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
