it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
