I like my sex mixed with concussions.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
