I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
As shirtless as possible
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
