he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
