Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
