I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
