right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
