I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
