Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
