so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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