Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Don't make out with my wife yet
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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