He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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