Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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