whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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