I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
