the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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